I can’t help but look back and be grateful for the decisions my father and mother made when faced with fear.
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A series of decisions in April 1975 completely changed my life. One of those was the US’s decision not to re-engage with the North Vietnamese Army as they rapidly approached Saigon, our home. I decided to include this part of my life in my upcoming book, Underdog Nation.
On the night of April 21, my father woke my mom, me and my three sisters. Under the cover of darkness, our family hurried to the airport with what we could carry, left our dog behind and boarded a US C-130 aircraft, and flew to the Philippines—while my father stayed behind to fight.
At the time, I was more confused than afraid. Among the other families aboard were other South Vietnamese soldiers—men like my father. Why was my father choosing to stay? I was convinced this meant we would be returning soon.
A week later, in the refugee camp on Guam, the news crackled over the radio. Saigon had fallen. We had lost the war. South Vietnam was gone, Saigon renamed as Ho Chi Minh City. The life I had known for ten years was gone.
We had no way to learn if my father was dead, captured, or on the run. A mystery we would have to live with for over a decade. My mother—a middle school teacher—was left alone with four young children.
The next decision was hers to make. Despite the fact that we didn’t speak English and despite the fact that we had family in Paris, my mother chose to take us to the US. In the face of fear and uncertainty, she made a brave choice that changed our lives.
With the fiftieth anniversary of the war’s end approaching, I can’t help but look back and be grateful for the decisions my father and mother made when faced with fear. The key to overcoming fear is not only facing the fear but also making a decision.
Go/No-Go Decision Making
Later in the Marines, I learned the value of “Go/No-Go decision-making.” Fear will keep you stuck in indecision. And that’s when danger strikes. That’s when death is imminent, both on the battlefield and in business. Right or wrong, you have to make a decision. If you make the wrong decision, you can always course-correct.
For my dad, the decision was for us to go—but for him, it was no-go. He had vowed to defend his nation to the bitter end. As a child, I didn’t understand the decision. But when I became a Marine, I gained a new understanding that courageous leadership starts with making quick decisions, not waffling around doing endless analysis.
Choose What’s Hard
For Mom, the hard decision was for us to go to America. France would have been the more comfortable choice since we spoke the language and already had family there. Some refugees in Guam chose to return to Vietnam and live under the new Communist regime.
In choosing America, she chose the more difficult path. The path of learning a new language. The path of culture shock. The path of living in bad neighborhoods for years. The path of discrimination and resentment. But it was also the path of opportunity.
For me, her choice opened the opportunity to join the Marines and serve my new country like my father had served his. The opportunity to enjoy a highly successful sales career. The opportunity to become an entrepreneur and ring the bell at Nasdaq—thrice.
Ours is one of many stories of perseverance, especially for refugees and immigrants. But perseverance isn’t only about enduring the hard you’re given—it’s about continuing to choose what’s hard because it’s also the path of opportunity.
Courage Is Reckless
No courage is required for complacency. Complacency is fear of wearing the mask of confidence. But true courage involves some recklessness. You develop emotional resilience when you go against the grain.
Try to name one successful person who took the safe route. Make a list of great leaders who followed the “conventional” wisdom. You’ll have a very, very short list.
Many of the choices I’ve made in my personal life have looked reckless. Along the way, I’ve tasted success and failure, pride and disappointment. But those decisions stem directly from watching how my parents overcome fear in the worst circumstances.
Use Go/No-Go decision-making. Choose your hard. Be reckless. The fall of Saigon taught me that you can’t control other people’s decisions—but you don’t have to sit in fear. You get to make the next decision. That’s how you overcome fear to develop truly courageous leadership.